Scummy Mummies by Ellie Gibson

Author:Ellie Gibson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook
Publisher: Quadrille
Published: 2017-02-21T05:00:00+00:00

TRUE STORIES: ELLIE

I once met a doctor at a drinks party. “So what’s it like being a GP?” I said.

“I see a lot of well children,” she replied. I looked at the floor, thinking of all the times I’ve taken one of my sons to the surgery because of a minor illness, miniscule injury, or just because he’s looking at me a bit funny.

To be fair, many of these appointments have been prompted by my husband, who tends to overreact to signs of illness in his children even more than in himself. (We are talking about a man who, having contracted food poisoning, lay on the bed in his air-conditioned hotel room, watching Wimbledon, and announced: “This is worse than Guantanamo.”)

With our eldest, the big issue was speech. By the age of two he had yet to start talking, and we were worried. The health visitor asked if I played music a lot at home. “No,” I said smugly. “We always have Radio 4 on.” She suggested this was worse, as it meant my poor baby couldn’t get a word in edgeways. I was horrified, and terrified his first words would be “North Utsire”.

The next time we were at the GP’s, for a nasal flu vaccination, I mentioned my concerns to the doctor. Because they’re always happy to discuss worries about speech problems while shoving a plastic tube up the nostril of a two-year-old who is trying to kick them in the balls. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. OW,” he said.

A few months later there was still no change, so I made another appointment to see the same GP. As I opened the door, my son took one look at the guy and shouted: “DON’T STICK ANYTHING UP MY NOSE.”

“Your son does not have a speech problem,” said the doctor, as we turned and walked away.

Sure enough, within a few weeks, my son was talking non-stop. Not only that, he was using sentences like: “Technically, Mother, that’s a spanner, not a wrench.”

I’ve been a bit more relaxed with my second son, as is so often the way of things. But we do still make the odd pointless trip to the GP for some kindly reassurance. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to do that, because we live in a country where healthcare is free.

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